What would you do if you were not afraid?
I love the sea, the water, being on or near the water and living near water.
However, I have a fear of swimming. I am afraid to put my head under the water. I panic.
Everyone I know who can swim cannot believe that I cannot swim.
Everyone I know who can swim has had a shot at trying to teach me to swim.
They have all given up when I cry that I am drowning when I am in a foot of water with my head under the water and my eyes tightly closed.
If I was not afraid I would dive down deep and swim and swim like a mermaid with my hair streaming behind me and my hands outstretched and a huge smile on my face.
I would look and look at the coral and the fishes and the life under the water.
Before I was hanging onto that dinghy shaking with fear that I would drown before my diving friend came back, I had started off well holding hands and using a snorkel, swimming along on the surface looking down at the beautiful coral below.
I was loving it and delighting in the wonderful feeling of swimming and looking at the world below.
Then suddenly I panic, and I break away and swim as fast as I can back to the boat.
There I hang and wait to be taken back to the yacht. I can still look down and below is a myriad of fishes and colorful corals and shells and rocks and waving seaweeds. It is a peaceful and serene world of a beauty I have never seen before for so long.
I would look and look, then I would suddenly remember I was in the wide ocean all alone and start to panic. I would have to control myself, lie straight so the snorkel wouldn’t fill with water and choke me, empty the snorkel and settle again to look down below.
The other diver had gone to take photos and he was away for what seemed a very long time to me hanging onto the dinghy that I could not get into unaided. I would have stayed there for at least 30 minutes, and I did not enjoy it.
I lost the thrill of the beauty below, and became annoyed that I had let myself be dressed in a wet suit and frog legs and a snorkel to be hanging off a dinghy in this undignified way waiting for death or at least a shark to come by and eat a part of me.
To my dismay and my relief that did not happen.
Eventually he came back, I asked him to take a photo for me of the scene below that I had been looking at for the last 45 minutes.
I also asked for a photo of me with the coral.
I got a photo of me hanging onto the dinghy looking very silly.
Oh How I wanted to swim with him down to the depths and live the life of a mermaid, instead of being an idiot hanging onto a dinghy waiting to drown.
If I had not been afraid I would have gone all around the coral reef and seen more than just the coral below me…
I would be a mermaid if I wasn’t so scared and so afraid